I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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