i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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