Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
