you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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