well he's currently spooning the coffee table
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
