Can i not drive my cunt home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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