well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I supernannyed him into submission
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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