you traded sex for a burrito?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
