Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
