Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
