He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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