if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
