What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
