I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
