Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
