I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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