i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
