I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
