Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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