dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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