I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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