her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
