I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
