I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
