Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
