the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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