Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
