my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
