I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
