so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
