direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
