He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is the high leading the old right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
