I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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