Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
