first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
