I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
