Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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