he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
