so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
