Me too!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
