He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
