it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
