Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
