After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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