This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
