So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
