Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member