I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.