I wish my penis had an off switch
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.