i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?