i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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