Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
