Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
