Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
