the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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