she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
