so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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