just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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