You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who died my cat blue again?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
