The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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