im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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