my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
