I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
