The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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