Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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