My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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