Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
