If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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