just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
