girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
