i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
