I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
