I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
