we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
